So once again today I blew off my handle over the insensitive use of the term "retard" by a friend, even after repeated requests by me not to do so. He however, continued to do so thinking he was affecting me not even bothering to know what the reason was. All of us from Aakara who have been fighting against this rule have been going through almost the same thing in each of our attempts, and that is why I decided to take up this topic to write.
Ok so this is the issue. For those who are not aware, we in Aakara worked with a bunch of children with mental disorders and introduced theatre into their lives. While working on this project, we all turned against the use of the terms such as 'retard', 'spaz' and other such terms referring to these mental conditions as derogatory terms. Obviously for all those who know us, we insisted on refraining from the use at least in front of us, but for those using it this was just as big a joke as the terms themselves.
So once for all these are our reasons for not using these terms:
For all of us working with these children, we came in terms with the fact that disorders like spasticity, madness were actual realities of people's lives that they could not help. We are not implying stuff like these are 'stars on the ground' (although we genuinely think they are) or that each kid is special. They might be normal, ordinary kids, but please realize that even their normalcy was disrupted with symptoms that were not their fault.
Working with these kids, we actually grew to be attached to these kids, and learnt that in most ways they are just as normal as you and me, and to a great extent feel just the same emotions. They might not be the most intelligent people around, but hell, we are not all Einsteins and Newtons either. They might not be able to function like you and me maybe, but again, it is not a fault of theirs.
We however, use these conditions that we must be sensitive about, as terms to insult/joke/tease. These harsh realities of people's lives have become goddamn derogatory terms, and you know what, it pisses us off. Do any of you realize that it is this that shatters whatever little self-esteem that these people possess? Imagine having a medical disorder and having that used as an insult for people. You would hate it, feel extremely ashamed of your disorder. These people live screwed up lives anyway, and we as people in better position than them living more 'normal' lives do absolutely nothing to help them.
Working with these kids has changed each of our lives. Imagine having a discussion about topics like love and marriage with a 15 year old who cannot move any of his limbs. Imagine watching someone who refused to talk or open her mouth perform on stage. Imagine a 20 year old living with a brain of a 13-14 year old get a girlfriend and tell you about the relationship while shying away. Imagine a 13 year old 'retard' come up with physical improvisations to depict seasons and elements of nature. Imagine a 15 year old who has had trouble with social relationships all her life telling you she is going to miss you. Imagine getting a painting from one of these kids when you are leaving and then them calling you the next day to ask you if you had breakfast and reached home safely. It gives a sense of satisfaction much deeper than you can imagine. However, more than anything it tells you that these people whose conditions are a big bloody joke amongst your peers are amazing people you can learn from as well.
Ironically, at the front however, we treat these people with pity and sympathy. Each one of us walked in with similar feelings. Utter awkwardness and underestimation as well I must add. However after having worked with them for a month and half, we can assure you that this is the last thing that any of these need. It is extremely dangerous for their self esteem. None of us would like to be treated this way, and they dont either. We all wonder why it is so hard to treat these people as NORMAL people with some disorder. We all have weaknesses, and hell, these people have scientifically proved weaknesses.
If you allow me to make this statement, I would say that inspite of everything, these people are probably more human than any of us 'normal humans'. Human beings are usually connected with sensitivity, compassion and respect, and I daresay that looking at these kids helping their fellow students and respecting even those who could not use their own hands or see straight taught us all that when it comes to these basic elements of our lives, these people are MUCH better than any of us. I may sound harsh, but given a chance, I think that each one of you shouldhave at least one chance to interact personally with these people the way we did and you will agree.
Inspite of everything, one small request - stop using these words that are harsh realities of people's lives as derogatory terms. If one of us mind it, and we request you not to use it, why is it SO hard for you to respect our senbilities and be sensitive towards them? If not for that respect and sensitivity, which I am ashamed to say is extremely lacking, at least for the respect of these people who have much more strenght than you and me to deal with this world, STOP USING THESE TERMS. Your IQ has enough capability I think to include enough of other derogatory terms. Your life will not be incomplete without the use of these terms, but it might just help some other people's lives who need that sensitivity. Think about it.
Cheers!
PS: We wanted to tag all the people who use these terms and request them to read this. However, we realized that it was practically impossible to tag everyone on facebook. Thats why we request you to pass on this message yourselves if you are capable enough of understanding the issue... Thank You!!
