Ok so I am getting emotional now...and although it feels weird to start the Aakara blog with a farewell note, I had to put it up...
I walked in for the first day trying to erase as Sri suggested all that I had heard about these children and have my own impressions, inspite of the numerous discussions I had had with her over the phone for the last two weeks. We arranged the room and I took my seat as suggested by Keya, the one right in front of the door, and then waited, excitement and anxiety churning inside me. Slowly, curious eyes entered the room and greeted me with welcoming but probing looks, and all those discussions just melted away from my mind leaving me more nervous than I had thought I would be. All of a sudden, I wasn’t ready for this.
Almost 3 weeks later I still feel almost unready each time we walk in. I am still making my first impressions. I am still extremely conscious of what effect I have on them. Sure I have made my own judgements, but I look forward to learning something new about each one of them everyday. And hoping that I manage to leave at least faint traces in these lives. Nervous that I may not be able to fulfil their expectations. Disappointed when I realized that its not practically possible. Disheartened when i remember that am going back soon, thus remaining a mere visitor in their lives.
However, aware that inspite of everything, these 10 odd people, each so different than what my prejudices had made me predict, and the other 4, phenomenally supportive peers to have worked with, have changed my life, and that probably I might never be able to reciprocate the favour. I came as an impulsively enthusiastic person leaning on theatre as a means to give her identity to identify herself with, but am going back having discovered more about myself through the means of the very same theatre. I am going back with a sense of achievement having exposed myself to the intelligence and initiative I always wished to learn, a patience I spent years trying to build but never really noticed I had, an ability to detach and desensitize myself that I never knew I possessed, an experience to inspire me for the rest of my life and friends to get married to when bored or simply discuss the randomest topics still close to my heart. And lastly being a part of an organization that I am proud to be a part of although I still don’t have the t-shirt of!!
I am sorry for leaving this halfway and that sorry is not meant only for the apologies although they are also very much in place. These 3 weeks will definitely be a highlighted fragment of my life; and Aakara, thank you for making it so special for me!!
Cheers!!
jayati...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
In the seventeen years I’ve spent on this planet, I’ve been left in tears by one book and one short story. Your entry, the first on this neglected site, blew me away because it so perfectly captured what each of us, to different degrees, felt when we first walked into SSK, when we began our first session. I am left floundering, trying to find words that will, perhaps, convey just how touched I am, how touched we all are. I can’t imagine what the end will be like without you, Ms. Doshi, there will be no one to listen to my tangential rants, no one to regale in my pathetic jokes, no one to lean on when problems of the heart compound, no one to run off to Forum with. I feel greedy, wanting to hold onto to the time left, wanting to call back the time passed, knowing neither is possible. While I’ve always been particular about one’s parting words, there is no finality to this, this is one in the line of many. The t-shirt, will come duly.
Always,
Chihuahua
Post a Comment